Day 31 - acceptance means... (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 2 November, 2022

I’m writing this at nearly midnight on 2 November, and it was meant to be for 31 days in October. And that’s fine.

That’s acceptance. When things deviate, goals aren’t accomplished on time, or in the exact way you imagined. Being okay with that and not feeling a need to beat yourself up over every failing – pushing away shame as your default emotion is acceptance of yourself.

I think acceptance would mean that one day this blog is less relevant. That people wouldn’t need to go searching on the internet to find someone that gets them and their experience.

That one day we wouldn’t have to twist and warp and fold ourselves into a box that represents a page in the DSM-whatever-number-we’re-up-to just to get support. To not have to frame our difficulties as deficits to get supports. To have it understood that we are different, not less.

Day 30 - most important ADHD fact (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 2 November, 2022

Er…this is like picking a favourite author. It’s really not going to happen, there are so many important facts about ADHD.

If I had to pick one, it would be that ADHD looks different from person-to-person. Yes, we share common experiences, but our backgrounds, genders, race, culture, etc – these all play a part in determining our experience.

Maybe I’ll throw this one to the audience. What fact was a key part of learning/confirming your ADHD experience?

Day 29 - worst ADHD stigma (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 2 November, 2022

Well, I could certainly go on about the stigma regarding medication. It sucks, and while I haven’t found that it is as bad in Australia as in the USA, I’ve certainly had my own brush with it a few years ago when I was getting diagnosed.

That said, I think the worst stigma, the one that gets people the most, is the following… because you can even end up telling yourself this.

“It isn’t that bad. ADHD isn’t that bad. I’ve gotten this far, already, by myself. If it was that bad…someone would have figured it out before now, right?”

I’ve thought this. I’ve thought I didn’t deserve support, didn’t deserve help. There are so many other people out there that have it worse off, why am I even complaining about my lot?

The thing is – ADHD does cost us, so very dearly. Friendships, relationships, familial connections. Money, housing, education. The list goes on, and is compounded by the intersections of class, and race, and gender, and a number of other factors.

I think it’s easy to conflate impact with overall pessimism regarding ADHD and that is another reason why people find it difficult to acknowledge.

The words below are relevant - something I prepared as part of a panel last year for International Day of People with a Disability:

“People with a disability are very prone to thinking there is someone else that has it worse than they do. Because of this, we don’t ask for support, as it’s easy to think you’re taking resources from other people who need them more.

Please ask for help. Please know your situation is valid, that all disabilities are valid, and that you don’t need to reach some kind of disability quota before you get support. If every person with a disability decides someone needs support more than them, then literally none of us are supported, and none of us are seen. Every circumstance of disability is valid and deserving of support.”

Day 28 - favourite dopamine burst (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 1 November, 2022

Music. Definitely, absolutely music.

Music is a means of accessing your emotions and feelings even if you can’t explain what they are. It’s an acceptable outlet – if you’re stuck at school, or work, or an environment in which there are expectations of behaviour, it’s a better way of coping than masking.

Music provides sensory stimulation and release. It can give you a layer of protection from unpleasant sensory input. It can also make up for a lack of stimulation – many a Uni assignment or cleaning project of mine has only gotten done because of music.

And music is for everyone. Everyone can find a genre that suits them, a beat they can follow, a lyric that tells their story in that moment. You don’t need professional training to enjoy find a rhythm and enjoy it.

Anyone getting their dopamine from a particular song right now? Feel free to let me know in the comments.

Day 27 - tips for the newly diagnosed (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 1 November, 2022

First, some reassurances:

It’s okay to experience a full range of emotions.

It’s common to feel elation at finally having confirmation that there is something affecting you, as well grief at how long it took, how much easier it could have been, and general overwhelm at all the information.

It’s okay to be scared.

Diagnosis is one thing, what does this actually mean for the rest of your life? It’s difficult knowing this opens up more options and pathways but not knowing what lies ahead.

It’s okay to not disclose. You may not want to speak about your diagnosis immediately if at all. Not everyone is in a safe position where they can talk about being diagnosed.

It’s okay if you can’t take medication or don’t immediately experience a life altering difference. Not everyone can, and there are other options available for support.

I would suggest that unless you’ve already talked openly about seeking diagnosis, that you take some time to adjust to the news, and/or your medication before you start talking about it. It isn’t something to be ashamed of, but it is easy to impulsively disclose more information than you intended to, or to the wrong person.

Also, if you are starting medication, or trialling any changes in your life (like therapy, or mindfulness activities, new apps/organisation methods, etc) jot down some notes and observations if you can. Even the days when nothing is working – this will help you sort through your strategies and coping mechanisms in the long term to figure out what works best for you.

Day 26 - favourite ADHD resource (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 1 November, 2022

One of the best resources for me before and after diagnosis was Jessica McCabe's YouTube channel How to ADHD.

The videos are well-researched, well communicated, and relevant. There are playlists that make it easy to cover the basics when you are just learning as well as deeper dives into more specific topics.

I like that the channel doesn't just use expressions because they've been commonly adopted by the community. For example, they have noted that rejection sensitivity isn't a specific trait named in the DSM and explained what it does relate to. They've also noted that the idea of ADHD folk not having object permanence isn't the correct usage of that phrase (out of sight, out of mind is more correct).*

Also, having followed them for a number of years now - you can see where their perspective on topics have changed and how vulnerable they get sharing that information with us. It's hard to cope with thinking you might have gotten something wrong, especially with the backlash you can face on the internet - but it's so important for a good resource to be willing to grow and correct information to the best of their knowledge as required.

I highly recommend their channel as a resource for both ADHD Brains (us) and Hearts (those who care for us) - and I love those labels so much, especially as we still struggle to find a way to use identity first language for ADHD.

*The reason this is important is the impact it can have on getting professional diagnosis - there is a lot of stigma currently about people only getting information from social media. I'm not going to police the use of these terms - I do think it important that people be aware of a negative impact it can have.

Day 25 - favourite ADHD book (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 1 November, 2022

I'm going to make my life a bit easier here by using the review for Different, Not Less by Chloé Hayden for this one.

It's one of the best starting points for understanding neurodiversity more generally and that definitely applies to the information on Chloé's experience as both Autistic and ADHD.

A copy of my full review is here.

Day 24 - favourite Amazon find (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 31 October, 2022

I don't really use Amazon (I know a lot of people have to) but a lot of stuff still doesn't ship to Australia anyway.

Instead here's an item you can buy from Kogan, and probably Amazon and a bunch of different vendors.

It's a water bottle with a pill sorter built in for the different days of the week.

If you always have your meds or water but never both available when you need them and this is an inconvenience that makes you skip taking your meds, this could be a helpful find for you.

Day 23 - adulting with ADHD (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 28 October, 2022

The concept of Adulting, what it means to be adult and grown up and do things for yourself is one that has received much side eye from many a millennial, not just the ones with ADHD.

The milestones we're meant to reach as adults keep being placed out of our reach and sometimes that means there's a bit more forgiveness for not getting there - though often expectations don't change, it's just harder to achieve them. But I digress.

Adulting with ADHD results in figuring out new workarounds. Ones that either allow my brain to participate, or plan ahead for the fact that it won't. Let's briefly talk finance skills, planning, and household chores.

Finance skills

Re money, I'm still working on budgeting skills. That said, I've never had a credit card. At one stage I'm sure I'll need one, but in my early 20s I decided I'd go without as long as possible because I could see the potential pitfall.

We've used ZipMoney for a few purchases and paid them off before the interest kicked in, which is perhaps the equivalent, but it's got more steps involved than just pulling out a card. We also set up scheduled payments for just about every bill we have, which generally means they come in at $0 or a small portion left to pay.

Lastly on money, I've never had to worry about balancing a chequebook. That's not really the way accounts work in Australia, for the most part. Some people still have cheque accounts - even when I did I mostly just used it with my EFTPOS card, I don't think I ever had a chequebook issued. So maybe it was just called that. We've had EFT much longer, so I've never had a need for venmo or Kofi or any of those apps.

Planning

Planning is not really a task I have issues with. I am an excellent planner. I fall down when it comes to execution. And thus, my planning has to involve building in as much support as possible to actually carry out said plan.

I use an electronic calendar. It's the easiest thing for me to keep up with everything in my life as well as my partner's calendar. Using Google calendar also allows me to easily use multiple sets of calendars I can choose to display or not display depending on what I need.

I have a time management calendar that appears just for me, and I use it to build in extra blocks of time or reminders for prep or closing off tasks that I don't think about when I just see the activity itself. Things like travel, or packing items ready to go for a task - or even doing the laundry so a specific item is ready to go before that date.

I can choose to hide my time management calendar if I'm on top of things or my schedule looks overwhelming, or display it on days when I need extra support.

Chores

I've mentioned before, I clean in bursts of activity. Clutter often starts to blend into the background. My dresser is due for a overhaul soon after I reorganised a drawer and left the resulting mess all over the top. I'm mostly walking past it for now but I'm very aware it is getting to the stage where it's in need of that attention.

It does help for items to have a place of their own if I can manage it - a home base to return to. I definitely have 'doom boxes' all over the place - bags, boxes or piles of stuff that might get sorted out one day.

It really helps to have a partner that does his share (and sometimes more) of the housework, but also helps to establish and maintain the standards of cleanliness we want in our house. He helps me keep on top of the chores I'm not good at remembering to do (especially with the dishes that need washing by hand). And he lets me know if I've gotten a bit slack in an area and the pressure is building on him.

When my partner isn't around, two of the best things I can do to get through chores are either to put music on that I can sing to, or to call a friend.

If I'm singing, I can trick my brain into enjoying that and thinking of the chores as the 'background activity'. If I have a person on the phone, I can concentrate on talking to them and do chores instead of just pacing while we talk.

Day 22 - your home and care tasks (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 26 October, 2022

I'm interpreting this to mean housework and personal care.

Re housework, I am definitely better at cleaning in bursts of activity... maintenance based activities are really difficult to summon the motivation for.

Sometimes if I've gotten a space perfectly clear, it's easier to visualise it that way for a week or so and my brain will notice interruptions to that space. Most of the time though, clutter can blend really easily into the background and I don't get the impetus to clean it until it's really piling up. Jessica McCabe of How to ADHD has a great video on clutter in motion and clutter in stasis.

That said, a clean space is something my brain desires to prevent distractions or sensory issues. We leave our shoes at the front door to prevent tracking as much dirt into the house. And people coming over is often that deadline-esque kick in the pants to get a space cleaned up where it has lapsed a little.

Re personal care tasks, I'm really not good at exact schedules. I will often get the same things done but at different times or in a different order to stay interested (or so that I can start with whatever task brain finds most appealing on a given day).

Having pets is a great motivator for getting some routine in place. You need to meet their needs in terms of food and water and cleaning their toileting areas. Sometimes you can incorporate parts of your own routine with theirs, like feeding them and yourself in the morning.

Day 21 - emotions and ADHD (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 25 October, 2022

(I was going to write something on rejection sensitivity and uh...I guess I did, unplanned, so I'm using this for the challenge. I guess in this sense being late on the challenge made me right on time? 😅)

On emotional regulation:

It's very, very easy as someone with ADHD to get unreasonably angry at yourself and others when something goes wrong. By unreasonably, I mean at a level not proportionate to the situation.

Today I woke up late. Everyone wakes up late sometimes. It's frustrating but there's not much more you can do other than notify anyone impacted, apologise, and get on with it.

This morning while getting ready, I had to stop the impulse to lean into anger about the situation. To be angry at myself. To be angry at my phone and the alarms not waking me, to be angry at the cat for waking me in the night, etc - the list goes on.

I don't always manage to quell the anger. It is sometimes easier now that I understand where it comes from and what I am achieving in not being angry.

The anger comes from years of self-loathing and shame induced by a lifetime of rejection for failing to meet the standards of a neurotypical world.

When you're undiagnosed, every time you're scolded for acting out of turn, or interrupting a conversation. Every time you forget to do a chore, or homework or an assignment - it all piles on.

And when you're not diagnosed, you don't have the context of your diagnosis to help understand why you are acting the way you do. You just think you're failing at life.

It's been estimated "that children with ADHD receive a full 20,000 more negative messages by age 10, on average." (William Dodson, MD). Just imagine what that number is by the time you're an adult.

The next time something goes wrong, try to take a moment (even if you're running late 🙂 ). Especially if you've jumped straight on the blame train. Try to focus on moving forward with your day as best you can - because sometimes that's all you can do.

Day 20 - medication journey (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 23 October, 2022

Content note: touches on food intake and weight loss

November 12, 2019 was when I first started medication for ADHD. It was an incredible day. I completed tasks that I'd been paralysed by for months. I attended meetings in which I could pay attention the whole time and took notes that made sense at the end of the day. I was absolutely beaming by the end of the day.

I hadn't actually sought diagnosis with any thoughts of getting medication. At that stage I still thought I had been coping fairly well with everything - after all, no one had picked up on my ADHD sooner so surely it wasn't that bad? I was mostly interested in confirmation that I indeed had ADHD.

The psychiatrist who diagnosed me asked if I wanted to trial a medication to see if it would assist me. I decided there was no harm in trialling it and if it didn't make much of a difference I could go without. I started with a smaller dose, which increased over the first week, to the amount that remains my current dose.

Medication was absolutely life changing. The ability to actually tune out distractions, to see tasks through to completion, to not have to take a nap at the end of the day from fatigue, to complete simple tasks without having to self-induce anxiety to the point I access adrenaline (for things like answering emails).

It also had its complexities. The thing I have struggled with the most would be the appetite suppression. I have figured out the things I need to do to maintain enough food intake, but at two stages I was impacted in such a way that resulted in far too much weight loss; when I started my medication, and a year later, when I started Invisalign and could no longer easily supplement meals with grazing due to the number of hours I was trying to wear the aligners.

Everything is pretty stable now, and I'm happy with the medication I am on and the dosage. I have some flexibility in my medication because it is short acting - I am able to adjust the timing if I want to sleep in on the weekend, for example. I have annual check-ins and testing with my GP to ensure my heart isn't impacted by the use of stimulants, and I'm pleased to say to date there have been no issues.

I think it's important to note that medication doesn't work easily for everyone. For some people it might be a matter of trying different medications and doses to get the right amount or combination. For other people, heart issues might rule out stimulants.

*Please do not add me on my personal page, I generally don't even add work people there.

Day 19 - how you feel about ADHD (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 23 October, 2022

ADHD is something that is a strong part of my identity since receiving diagnosis. That means the good and the bad, although I should remind you - you're not always going to see the bad parts. Social media is always, always curated, and there are parts of myself and my life that I don't share for the sake of maintaining some privacy and good mental health.

I know that there are many aspects of my life that make me very privileged. There are more difficult aspects of ADHD and the ableism and stigma we are subject to that have less of an impact on me because of this. I'm privileged to have been diagnosed, to have found a medication that works for me - to live in a country with a health system that (in spite of its faults) makes that medication affordable, and to have a full-time job in the APS that allows me to afford it.

I'm not a part of the "ADHD is a superpower" crowd. I don't like that way it forces us to justify our existence, nor the way it alienates those who cannot and may never find their 'superpower'. I think our neurotype is one of many that exists on this planet and there should be room and support for us to thrive as much as the next person.

I have ADHD. It has influenced so much of my life before I knew and continues to do so every day. It's not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere and I hope my advocacy continues to establish space for myself and other people with ADHD - ideally making our existence a little bit easier one post at a time.

Day 18 - what was school like? (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 23 October, 2022

School started off easy. In primary and elementary school, my language and spelling skills were pretty advanced, and I always had my head in a book reading. I still remember being incredibly peeved off to have my answers in a spelling test marked incorrect when I moved from Australia to the US in year 1 - words like 'colour' and 'grey' which I had spelled correctly, thank you very much.

By late primary school, the importance of actually doing your homework had increased. By high school, assignments were also contributing to the list of things that I wasn't able to complete on time. I was scraping by because I was smart enough to understand the work. Nobody realised that it was actually doing the work that I was struggling with.

Late high school things started to get easier. I took a period of Help Yourself, a unit designed to assist students who were having difficulties with their school work. I figured out how to properly research and write essays and my grades started to improve.

My grades might have been improving but I figured out very quickly that my reputation with my teachers hadn't. I will never forget the day that we were handed back our results for a partnered assignment I had worked my absolute hardest on and the teacher handed our marks back to us and said, "Nice job, *partner's name*!" and walked away without looking at me, clearly implying I had not contributed to our success. I just sat there frozen (while said partner sputtered indignantly on my behalf).

Still, this definitely made it clear to me that I needed to move on. I changed schools for college (years 11 and 12, last part of high school if you're in the US). It was the best decision I ever made.

I excelled in my studies (not always, but far better than I ever had). I had more control over my subject selection (and dropped Maths, Science, and PE as soon as I could). I actually wasn't supposed to be able to drop Maths and was asked several times to take it back up again, but I knew it wasn't my strong suit.

A supportive environment and teachers, and the ability to pursue things I was interested in made all the difference, even though I had no diagnoses at the time. I ended up getting my UAI/ATAR of 93 based off a double major in English, a double major in Religion and a minor in History. Not too shabby and certainly got me into my Uni degree!

School taught me a lot. There was one slightly grim but important lesson I still carry today; faith in myself and my abilities was far more important than relying on the system to get me where I am today.

Day 17 - preferred language IFL or PFL (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 19 October, 2022

The topic above is asking whether I prefer identity first language or person first language.

Identity first language makes your neurodivergence a part of your identity. Examples include neurodivergent person, Autistic person, disabled person.

Person first language separates the person and their neurodivergence etc. Person with a disability, person with autism (or sometimes with ASD is used).

ADHD is a bit trickier because it's more typically referred to as 'with ADHD' or 'has ADHD'. It doesn't necessarily show someone's preference. Some people say 'As an ADHDer'.

My preference is for identity first language. I am neurodivergent, I am disabled. These aren't things that I can separate out from my experience or leave at home because I don't feel like wearing them. You don't always see them, but that typically means my needs are being met, or I'm masking.

I try not to come down too hard (if at all) on people who use person first language. If possible, I will assess the intent of the person's choice of words. If they are describing me and deliberately ignoring my preference, I don't have a lot of patience for that lack of respect.

That said, many parents and carers may not have been exposed to the neurodiversity paradigm before. I would prefer they engage with my content long enough to consider changing their language.

I think in essence that person first language had it's place in the history of disabled activism. It's true that most of society didn't see disabled people as people for a very long time. I think the phrasing achieved what it needed to and paved the way for us to seize our identity as disabled people proudly. And that's what I do, and plan to encourage other people to do as well. 🙂

Note: Experiences and safety in disclosing your status as neurodivergent/disabled will vary based on a number of socio-economic factors, location, race, gender, sexuality etc. Please be careful and do what you need to in order to be safe.

Day 16 - Comorbidities (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 19 October, 2022

Comorbidities, or co-occurances are very common with an ADHD diagnosis. Many people are multiply neurodivergent and/or have mental health conditions alongside their ADHD. Some people are treated for depression, anxiety, or BPD long before ADHD is considered a part of their experience.

I am Autistic and I have ADHD. I don't consider one of these aspects of myself to be more dominant - that said, I needed to be diagnosed with ADHD and get medicated before I could see that I was Autistic as well. I used my ADHD to mask my Autistic side for a very long time and was extremely burnt out after getting through Uni and starting full time work.

Now, I find it interesting to reflect on the different traits of both my neurotypes and consider not only how I experience them differently but also how they interact with each other. This gets especially interesting when you consider how many traits overlap - certain experiences are like different sides of the same coin.

At some point I plan to do a Venn diagram or similar to help explain this further - let me know if that's something you're interested in seeing. 🙂

Day 15 - favourite hyperfixation (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 19 October, 2022

My favourite hyperfixation is likely neurodiversity advocacy and increasing people's knowledge about various neurotypes but especially autism and ADHD as those are what I have personal experience of.

Like many other neurodivergent folk, I found out that when I started talking about my experiences since being diagnosed, other people felt recognised and validated (both diagnosed and undiagnosed). Finding out you belong to a community of people with similar experiences is absolutely life changing if you have felt ostracised or like there is something wrong with you. 🙂

Day 14 - ADHD meme (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 19 October, 2022

[Image description: Black text reads: Time management when you have ADHD: Still image from TV show The Good Place showing Michael speaking reassuringly to Eleanor: "Okay, shouldn't take long. Between an hour, um, and 11 months." End description.]

Day 13 - favorite fidget (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 16 October, 2022

At a session I saw last week, one of the speakers was recommending a change in language from fidget toy to focus tool. I think this is especially relevant to situations in which you are arguing for access to said focus tool, like for a kid at school. It is helpful for the people around you to understand you are not playing and that it helps you achieve your goals.

I have lots of different kinds of fidgets/focus tools that address different sensory needs. I also choose to use them in different environments. For example, I wouldn’t use a noisy fidget in a shared office – and some fidgets can be messy.

That said, the two things I look for most in a fidget: 1. Can I use it without having to think about it? 2. Can I use it with one hand?

For a fidget to work for me, it needs to allow me to concentrate on the other activity I am trying to achieve. If the answer to the above question is no, I am less likely to use them. There are some meetings where I can listen and don’t need to take notes, but they are far and few between.

3 fidgets I will use and the appeal of each:

1. A jumbo Smooshos squishy ball. They are very satisfying. 2. Wacky track. These are plastic links connected together that you can rotate like a bike chain that makes a satisfying clicking noise. Great for days when I’m not in the office – the feedback is both auditory and tactile. 3. Blu-tack. In the office, before I was diagnosed, I would often find myself playing with a piece of blu-tack -squeezing it between my fingers and rolling it into a ball. You can get a satisfying small pop if you trap air inside when you fold it over itself.

Day 12 - fave ADHD life hack (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 16 October, 2022

Got a bit stuck on this one, I’ll have to admit. Most of the things I think of as ADHD hacks now are more about hacking my own perception of the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ ways to do something.

That said I’ll, put down one thing I do.

Cleaning in zones. This is where the perception thing comes into play. Once upon a time I would have viewed my inability to stay on task as a failing. I’m talking about setting out to empty the dishwasher, then realising one of your containers is missing a lid, then realising it fell down the back of a cabinet because your drawers are overfull, then emptying and reorganising that entire drawer if not the cabinet.

Well, now I know that my brain works differently, and I tend to follow the dopamine trail as more important than the initial task I set out to do. As a result, I don’t set out to do one task – I clean a zone.

I don’t just plan to empty the dishwasher – I will work on tidying the kitchen more generally for say, 15 minutes. Maybe I empty the first half of the dishwasher, wipe the benches, put food container back in the pantry and change out the tea towels. I’ve gotten more done that struggling to get through the whole dishwasher over like an hour with breaks for checking my phone.

Day 11 - perfectionism (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 11 October, 2022

Perfectionism is catching up on late ADHD posts in time to write the one about perfectionism on the actual day it is due. 😅

Perfectionism makes me think of one specific thing in relation to ADHD:

Perfectionism is a vicious cycle perpetuated by shame and unrealistic expectations.

Many a former gifted kid has achieved great things in their early years and then 'failed to live up to their potential' as tasks get harder and supports and sympathy vanish.

The shame this causes then drives the person to work harder, to meet their potential - but you never do, or not consistently, or never at a level comparable to your early childhood.

This can then result in someone deciding the only option they have to avoid the pain, stigma, and rejection sensitivity is to get every single thing perfect, and to criticise and critique their own efforts as not good enough.

This leads to anxiety, poor self-esteem, self-image problems, and more.

I think one of the worst things about perfectionism and ADHD is that to my experience*, it isn't innate to an ADHD diagnosis - it's prompted by other people's negative reactions to your ADHD.

*This may be a viewpoint you disagree with - this post is very much influenced by my personal opinion rather than specific data, everyone is different.

Day 10 - Executive Dysfunction (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 11 October, 2022

Executive dysfunction is absolutely the trait of ADHD that confirmed my diagnosis. Late assignments and homework, poor time management, not being able to start tasks until deadlines were close or had passed, failing to organise myself in my personal, school and work life - the list goes on.

I've actually been developing a resource in relation to Executive Dysfunction. It's not done yet but it's something I would have found helpful before I knew what Executive Dysfunction was, so stay tuned!

Lastly, a note - some people like to abbreviate Executive Dysfunction. If you find that easier, please use ExD rather than ED as that stands for Eating Disorder.

Day 9 - stimming (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 11 October, 2022

I'm running a few days behind but I'll get there!

Stimming stands for self stimulation. It's an activity used to generate the stimulation we need to get by in a given moment. Everyone stims, and everyone stims in different ways and for different reasons.

Some reasons people stim:

• excitement/happiness
• stress
• sensory overwhelm or underwhelm
• managing executive dysfunction

Common types of stimming:

• visual
• auditory
• vestibular
• touch based

I associate some of my stimming with being Autistic and some with ADHD. That's just my personal understanding, not clinical - but as this post is ADHD related, let's go into managing executive dysfunction.

Stimming allows me to tap into enough dopamine to access the executive function I need to complete tasks. Especially singing, listening to music, or other vocal stims (like filking, repeating words in funny tones, and using puns).

Stimming allows me to tune into one 'distraction' well enough that my brain feels occupied and can use that activity to work on other things. Especially tasks that are otherwise boring and don't engage my brain - like doing laundry. Ugh.

Stimming can be tricky to manage in a household or workplace where one person stimming might be another person's inability to concentrate. More than that, there are stims that can involve harmful behaviour. If you or a family member is struggling with this kind of difficulty, consider contacting an occupational therapist or other health practitioner. Focus on finding out what stimulatory need is going unmet and seeing if there is another means of meeting that need.

Day 8 - ADHD and relationships (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 8 October, 2022

So many different angles to consider for this topic! The below is about relationship struggles but there's so much positive stuff as well, might need to do a part 2.

Relationships can be difficult due to social struggles with ADHD. It's very easy to get caught up in NRE (new relationship energy) when you start seeing someone and then struggle to maintain said relationship when the initial spark is gone.

It's also easy to frustrate a partner when you have inattentive ADHD - sometimes when you are distracted by something it can seem like you are not interested in them or choosing to pay attention to something else, which can feel like a rejection. Or you forget an important date or don't get around to doing something you promised.

There's no magic process that makes these difficulties go away. One thing that helps with these frustrations is separating ADHD traits/symptoms from character traits. Yes, a person with ADHD may be forgetful - but that doesn't mean they think you're unimportant or that they're irresponsible. We have these struggles in all parts of our lives - and we have so much experience with being ashamed of our mistakes. Focusing on our intentions can really assist.

That's not to say that we shouldn't acknowledge the impact of our ADHD on others. Learning to apologise if we've hurt someone and take responsibility is a part of a healthy relationship. RSD can make that difficult to impossible in the moment but that doesn't mean you can't take a break and revisit the conversation when you are less overwhelmed or find some other means of addressing it.

Day 7 - your family (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 8 October, 2022

I missed this one yesterday. It hasn't played a massive part in my ADHD diagnosis to date - I was late diagnosed, which happened after I left home. I don't have kids, so at this stage there's no multiple generations of diagnoses to discuss.

My family has always accepted me for who I am, and the role that plays in feeling supported and comfortable to exist as who I am can't be understated and makes me very privileged. I'm very grateful to them for that.

I really don't like to speculate too much about who else in my family could be neurodivergent. For one thing, these are real people - and their perspective about themselves is what matters the most. For another - armchair diagnosis is dangerous.

I can see traits in others that I connect to my experience of being neurodivergent - but that doesn't mean that they would feel the same way, or benefit from seeing it as such. Nor am I qualified in any way to suggest these things - but if any of them ever had an inkling that they wanted to pursue a diagnosis I'd be with them in a heartbeat.

Day 6 - your job and ADHD (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 6 October, 2022

Undiagnosed ADHD in the workplace has two common pathways:

One - not being able to hold down a job

Two - holding down a job but never feeling genuine success or security in your performance

I was the second of these: struggling to stay on top of my work load, using anxiety and the adrenaline fuelled by it for the (very threatening) task of replying to emails, constantly trying new organisation methods to prompt any level of interest in my work (which would work well for about 2 weeks and then I'd have to find something new).

I started the pathway to my current role not long before I was diagnosed. I work in the APS in financial frameworks and compliance, which relate to the ways our department's employees are allowed to spend money. Our functions are mostly managed through software that is used for records and reports as well as smart forms.

This role gives me opportunities to continually solve technical puzzles via the process of custom form design. It also means that I always have lots of learning to do in order to keep up with the various pieces of legislation and policies, which also helps keep me interested and engaged. 🙂

There's lots of different jobs ADHD Brains can succeed at; it's often a matter of figuring out how and what to do to keep your brain engaged. Is it learning? Is it lots of short tasks that give you quick wins? Is it a job on your feet that keeps you moving? Finding this and a team willing to work with you are key.

Day 5 - current hyperfixation(31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 6 October, 2022

Whoops, didn't post Day 5 of "31daysofadhd" yesterday

Current hyperfixation: There's never just one with ADHD, lol.

Reading and reviewing books by neurodivergent authors. I'm especially interested in what would have helped me to know about sooner and reducing the stress and difficulty caused by lack of understanding and support.

Researching more papers, videos, websites, etc on Auditory Processing Disorder and putting together material for the course I'm trying to build on APD for educators. There's every possibility I could get it TQI certified if I build it correctly (and submit all the paperwork 😅).

Day 4 - biggest ADHD struggle (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 4 October, 2022

This one I had to split into two things - the acute/short term struggle and the chronic/long term struggle

Acute/short term - Rejection sensitivity. Not every instance of rejection sensitivity is the worst struggle. The most acute of RSD is absolutely horrid and I tend to experience this as the symptoms of a panic attack. Heart palpitations, sweating, dizziness, anxiety. This doesn't happen to this level particularly frequently but when it does, it is utterly overwhelming.

Chronic/long term - executive dysfunction resulting in assumptions from other people that my actions (or lack thereof) are deliberate choices. Being thought of as flaky or inconsiderate for being late or forgetting events/ things of import. This honestly isn't necessarily an opinion people would be as likely to have of me now but getting to this point has cost me dearly at various stages of my life.

Day 3 - favourite ADHD trait (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 3 October, 2022

I think that this is a tie between hyperfocus and creative thinking. Possibly because I experience the two of them at the same time fairly often.

Creative thinking has definitely helped me in my career but more than that, the satisfaction of having all the pieces connect and slot into place is just *chef's kiss*.

Day 2 - diagnosis story (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 2 October, 2022

It feels like I've always been an advocate in some way or another; those who know me from before my diagnosis know I was almost constantly posting content about issues impacting the LGBTQIA+ community, disabled folks, and encouraging mental health awareness/support. As part of this I started seeing posts about ADHD and sharing those... and then I started seeing content specifically about inattentive ADHD.

I can't remember the exact thought I had at the time, but I'm sure it was something eloquent like, "Well, shit. It me."

Everything I was reading fit me like a glove. I told my husband about it and he agreed. I started looking into who could tell me for sure in August 2019 - I wanted the validation, beyond that I wasn't sure what diagnosis could give me.

After some terribly rude encounters with stigma, I found myself undergoing an initial appointment with a psychologist who said he couldn't diagnose me but he could confirm if I was headed in the right direction.

He agreed there were indications of inattentive ADHD and suggested I see a psychiatrist who worked in the same building. I got a referral from my GP and managed to get in a few months later. The paperwork from my GP, my psychologist, and the psychiatrist's own assessment confirmed my ADHD diagnosis in November 2019.

[Image description: A photo of Emma at a friend's wedding back in 2019. Her brown hair is curled and she wears a red sleeveless dress. End description. ]

Day 1 - Tell us about yourself (31 Days of ADHD)

Post originally published: 1 October, 2022

My name is Emma Sharman and I'm an Autistic/ADHD advocate from Canberra, Australia. I lived in California for 4.5 years as a child and I speak with a mix of accents as a result. My pronouns are she/her.

I am a public servant, a first aider and mental health first aider, and a Justice of the Peace.

I am a daughter, a partner/wife, an older sister and many other familial connections to various people. I also have a dachshund/sausage dog (Marvel) and a pale ginger cat (Captain). I have some truly wonderful friends who encourage and support me in all I do.

I am keenly interested in Autistic and ADHD advocacy, with special interests in Auditory Processing Disorder and Mental Health. I aim to build accessible resources, considering the impact of intersectionality as best I can. I am interested in learning as well as educating.

I am a singer, a role player, a cross stitcher, a photographer, a reader, and a video gamer among other hobbies.

This list is not exhaustive, yet it is exhausting. It is also not meant to shame. I have not done all of these things at once, and I have not always done all of them well.

Stimming pre-diagnosis

Post published: 31 October, 2022

Spent yesterday and today going through my concert videos from the weekend and a bunch of other videos/ recordings from over the years (was compiling to put on YouTube for my folks who weren't able to make it there Saturday).

There's one video from a performance pre-diagnosis in which I'm fiddling with and scrunching the fabric of my dress and I couldn't help but laugh.

Yes, it's possibly just nerves, but definitely a strong likelihood I was stimming to try and settle said nerves. Not that I knew any of this at the time! Interesting looking back.

Book giveaway

Post published: 30 October, 2022

Well this is exciting! Due to a glitch with a vendor's system, I've ended up with a free second copy of one of the books I ordered recently. I've contacted them and they're happy for me to donate it...which might mean that I run a giveaway for it soon!

Brb, just need to go google 'how to run a giveaway on Facebook'. 😅

(Draft list of requirements so far would be over 18 and living in Australia, due to needing to ask for an address to mail it to and the cost of postage).

Charity concert - accessibility

Post published: 29 October, 2022

As I posted a while ago, I'm performing today at a variety concert raising money for Mental Health Foundation ACT. Little nervous, hoping all goes well. Tickets for today's performance are $10, available through the link in the event.

I was thinking about what I could do to increase accessibility to my performance - and I realised as somebody with Auditory Processing Disorder, one of the more difficult things for me at concerts is hearing songs for the first time and not being able to understand all the lyrics.

So, here's my setlist, with links to the lyrics. Even if you can't come to the concert today, these are beautiful songs, specifically picked by me because they relate to mental health, and you might enjoy them if you haven't heard them before.

Quarter Past 4 by Avi Kaplan

What Will You Leave Behind (Spiritfarer soundtrack) by Max LL

One Year Wiser by Jodi Heights

Cross stitch

Post published: 28 October, 2022

Well, it's not done yet, but there's joy to be had in sharing progress, especially when I have a number of French knots ahead of me to butcher.

Long term special interest of mine - my late grandma taught me to cross stitch when I was 12. She, er, may not have thought I'd pick patterns with swear words in them. 😅

Designer is Avocado Stitchery (will try to find a link to the pattern and put it in the comments).

Down Syndrome awareness month

Post published: 27 October, 2022

Earlier this week, a family friend with Down Syndrome passed away.

I wasn't super close with her or her family anymore (friends of my parents, and she was a little under a decade younger than them) but hearing about her passing made me realise that she was probably the first disabled person I ever knew. I remember being dropped off at her family's house at some strange time at night when my younger brother was born (when I was 2 and a half).

It's strange to think of the impact meeting other disabled people when I was younger would have on me as an adult, now I identify as disabled myself.

All my memories are through the lens of my childhood self, so I know that they weren't particularly nuanced. Nevertheless, our friend was, in my eyes, accepted for who she was and always considered a part of the family and her community. I am sad she is gone.

A reminder with all the other occasions of significance this month, October is also Down Syndrome Awareness Month. Consider making a donation to Down Syndrome Australia, or ACT Down Syndrome Association for the locals.

Hyperfocus

Post published: 23 October, 2022

I just spent 4 hours hyperfocussing on gardening and now I am in the in between zone where hyperfocus has stopped, and sensory input (hunger, thirst, need for shower) has not yet overtaken inertia. And thus floor time is happening. ...Maybe I can text husband to bring me snacks. 😂😅

Lofty goals

Post published: 23 October, 2022

Success! Sometimes the goals you set yourself are lofty...sometimes they're just trying to remember to actually use your Maccas instant win Monopoly freebies before they expire. 😅

Train sounds

Post published: 21 October, 2022

This image is from a conversation last night with my husband - requesting he activate the app on his phone with 'rain sounds' that plays various white noise tracks to help with sleep.

Only my phone dictionary was very convinced that I wanted to hear 'train sounds'. I had to convince autocarrot (autocorrect) a number of times not to send train sounds.

I do not speak for all Autistic people but as far as me, myself and I are concerned, train sounds has got to be one of the worst things to try and get to sleep to! 😂

ADHD hack

Post published: 17 October, 2022

ADHD (and possibly PDA) hack - doing things in the wrong order.

If you can't access the executive functioning to do the first thing on your list/routine, see if you can jump ahead to something else.

This morning, getting dressed for work was the first thing I was going to do. I did not want to. Possibly work in general, more likely the chill to the early morning air.

I put my dressing gown on and went to pack my bag instead. Once I'd done that and walked back to the bedroom, I was warm enough that getting changed wasn't as daunting. And there was a bonus, which has more than anything prompted this post:

When I was getting dressed, I reached for a white jumper. Then I remembered I'd just packed leftover spag bol for lunch. Wincing, I put the white jumper back and reached for something far less likely to return home stained! 😅

Carers' Week

Post published: 17 October, 2022

It's Carers Week 2022 in Australia 16-22 October.

Carers are people who provide unpaid care and support to family and friends who need support - due to being disabled, having a mental health condition, chronic condition or terminal illness (among other circumstances).

It is important to acknowledge the work carers do to support the disabled and neurodivergent communities.* Many people may be disabled or neurodivergent and provide care to their children or other family members and friends

There are lots of events on nationally, as well as stories shared on Carers Australia.

*It is okay to disengage from this event if you have or have had a difficult relationship with a carer. We all have different experiences. Take the space you need.

Mental Health Foundation ACT concert

Post published: 16 October, 2022

There's a variety music performance being held in Canberra in a few weeks to raise money for The Mental Health Foundation ACT.

I'm sharing because it's for a good cause - but also I'll be part of the line up performing. 🙂 It's been a while since I've been part of a live performance due to the pandemic - cross your fingers for me all goes well.

Saturday October 29 at 1PM, St Simon's Church Kaleen, $10 tickets (purchase online through link in the event).

Awesome Autistic Guide for Trans Teens review

Post published: 15 October, 2022

I went to the book launch recently for Yenn Purkis Neurodiversity page and Sam Rose's new book The Awesome Autistic Guide for Trans Teens.

It's an excellent book and great resource. That said, I was a little reluctant to just have a copy of my bookshelf gathering dust - so I've donated a copy to A Gender Agenda to keep in their library where it is more likely to be of use. Yenn was kind enough to write a message on the inside, as well. 🙂

For those interested in my thoughts on the book, I've written a review on my website.

What does Emabler mean?

Post published: 15 October, 2022

I've had a few private messages before and also a comment last night asking "what's Emabler mean?" - something I've been meaning to do a post about.

The word Emabler features my personal love of puns at play. My name is Emma and some close friends/family call me Em.

Enabler (that's with an 'n') is a term that is often associated with negative traits, like enabling someone to continue an addictive activity. "Fred is such an enabler, ugh. He shouldn't encourage her."

That said, the word 'enable' on its own means to make it possible for someone to do something. The thing you make possible doesn't have to be negative.

Some of the work I do in my advocacy is to tell people that it's okay to be the way they are. That the differences they have been told are wrong and they should feel shame for their entire lives - are just a part of how their brain works.

As such, I see what I do having a slight streak of mischief to it. My own personal touch on the caricature of the Aussie larrikin. I'm not necessarily living my life the way people are 'meant to' but I'm happier for it - and maybe I can show and 'emable' a few people how to do the same along the way.

An evening with Grace Tame

Post published: 13 October, 2022

Excited for an Evening with Grace Tame at the Canberra Theatre! 🙂

Now with delayed image description (had to consult other human on words).

1500 facebook followers

Post published: 11 October, 2022

Phew, that happened quickly! That's a further 1300 of you since June! 🙂

Whatever your reason for following, thanks for being here! I told myself from the beginning not to focus too much on the numbers - it's easy for that to become an unhealthy obsession.

I am pleased by the idea that this page has been of assistance to at least a few of you. Even if that help is the supply of accessible memes, that counts! 😉

ADHD Guidelines - Australia

Post published: 8 October, 2022

Another article about the new ADHD guidelines in Australia - and hope that this will make diagnosis more accessible through GPs.

Curious to see whether this will mean anything for being prescribed medication by GPs. If not, it would still be brilliant as diagnosis can be used as evidence to support workplace and school adjustments - or potentially NDIS funding if we do see moves by the government to include ADHD in the disabilities covered!

ADHD Guidelines - Australia

Post published: 8 October, 2022

ABC news article about the ADHD guidelines that have been published in Australia. They include:

• Parents and carers of children with ADHD should be offered training and support when a child is diagnosed
• People diagnosed with ADHD should have access to the NDIS
• There needs to be a greater focus on supporting students with ADHD in school and tertiary settings
• There should be greater involvement of GPs in the identification, diagnosis and treatment of the disorder
• Children should be given clear pathways for treatment and support into adolescence and, eventually, adulthood
• ADHD medication should be monitored on an ongoing basis
• There should also be a focus on non-medical interventions, such as lifestyle changes
• More knowledge is needed to better understand and detect ADHD in girls and women.

Work distractions

Post published: 7 October, 2022

Look, I do my best not to get distracted at work, and what does our department Intranet team do? Oh you know, just casually puts an article titled 'Microscopic vampires and bees' on the home page. They knew what they were doing with that headline! 😅 Agricultural pests are wild, y'all.

October days of significance (Neurodivergence)

Post published: September 30, 2022

October is always a busy month when it comes to neurodivergent days/weeks/months of significance. Especially when these can differ globally. I know I'm likely missing some specific days, especially for mental health specific days (which I believe I have on my computer somewhere). Please let me know days should also be on here that I've missed and I'll edit:

ADHD Awareness Month/AAC** and Down Syndrome Awareness month - October

Mental Health Awareness 2-8 October

Dysgraphia Awareness Day - October 3

World Dyslexia Day - 4 October

Dyslexia Awareness Week 7-12 October

Dyspraxia Awareness Week 9-15 October

World Mental Health Day - 10 October

Carers Week 16-22 October

Other dates during the year:

National Dyscalculia Day - 3 March

Neurodiversity Celebration Week - 13-19 March 2023

World Down Syndrome Day - 21 March

World Bi-Polar Day - 30 March

Autism Acceptance Day - 2 April

Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month - May

National Tourette Syndrome Awareness Week 2-8 May 2022

World Schizophrenia Day - 24 May

Autistic Pride Day - 18 June*

Neurodiversity Pride Day - 16 June 2023*

PTSD Awareness Day - 27 June

International Day of Persons with Disabilities - 3 December

*There has been movement by an organisation in the Netherlands to move Neurodiversity pride day to June 16 as part of having this day recognised by the UN World calendar.

**Augmentative and Alternative Communication

Sex-positive therapists

Post published: 28 September, 2022

Shared post from The Autistic OT on Autistic people and BDSM, followed by comment from me:

I absolutely 100% believe we need more sex-positive therapists supporting the disabled and/or neurodivergent community.

Disabled/neurodivergent kids grow up to be disabled/neurodivergent adults who should have the same rights to engage in consenting sexual activity.

Sensory based play can absolutely be something neurodivergent folks are drawn to. This doesn't just involve BDSM, but it can. Also, considering how many ADHD folk have that impulsive element - I think it's key to encourage education at all stages, rather than hoping someone will google something right when they've decided to take part.

It might be a tad uncomfortable for some people to think about, especially if you're engaging as a parent/carer - even if this isn't your particular cup of tea, definitely make sure your kids know about basic sexual literacy and safety. It's better they know something than nothing.

Auditory processing study

Post published: 28 September, 2022

This is really interesting. Well, it is to me, anyway.

A study was very recently published in New Zealand in August 2022 studying the brain topology of children with auditory processing disorder.

I think the best way I could explain brain topology would be that it is about how the different nodes, hubs, etc of the brain are connected. The way the brain is connected influences the way information travels through our brains.

"In conclusion, our findings provide evidence of altered brain network organization in children with APD, specific to auditory networks, and shed new light on the neural systems underlying children's listening difficulties."

(Psst. The link is to an academic publication, no one should feel bad for not understanding it. I'm not going to pretend I understand it all!)

Running late

Post published: 28 September, 2022

This was a conversation that happened on the weekend:

Me: helps partner with something

Partner: *worried* Are you sure, I don't want to make you late.

Me: *laughing* I am the one guaranteed to make me late no matter what. There's nothing you can do to prevent that.

Partner:... That's very accurate and I can't disagree. Okay.

😅😅

Awesome Autistic Guide for Trans Teens

Post published: September 25, 2022

I attended my first book launch since the pandemic yesterday. Yenn Purkis Neurodiversity page and Sam Rose launched their book The Awesome Autistic Guide for Trans Teens at A Gender Agenda. It comes recommended by Lyric from Neurodivergent Rebel as well (on the back cover)

It was lovely to hear what went into the development of the book, and catch up with local advocates and authors. I'm about halfway through and think they've done a great job with it so far.

Surprise party

Post published: 23 September, 2022

Earlier this week my best friend and my husband arranged a successful surprise party for me.

I'm calling it successful for two reasons; one, I was very surprised and two, I greatly enjoyed myself.

A key factor? Not a single person there thought it would be a good idea to jump out and yell 'Surprise!' at an Autistic person! 😅

Much appreciation to my friends and family for a lovely night out.

It was definitely made easier on my ADHD in that I had nothing more to organise, which is normally what a change in routine requires. I was already ready to go to dinner with my friend - there just happened to be extra people there for company and that was lovely.

Note: There will be some people for which there's no right way to do a surprise party because they don't like surprises. That's perfectly valid as well.

Just ADHD things

Post published: 22 September, 2022

Just ADHD things:

Insisting your partner come and view a space you've just cleaned so you get every possible bit of dopamine from their impressed reaction.

Also just ADHD things:

Taking many a year of said partnership to understand why it was important that they come and look at work you've completed, leaving them somewhat bewildered at your need to show off completed tasks until diagnosis. 😅

Executive functioning not found

Post published: 16 September, 2022

Is this not art of the highest order?! 😂

I was trying to move an image into an album - it didn't work, possibly because it was part of a post and therefore not already assigned to an album. I'll have to keep figuring it out.

A Dance of Light

Post published: 11 September, 2022

There is a section of road in Canberra that winds back and forth slightly as it goes up a small incline. It’s lined with streetlights and from one direction, you see the grey back of a single billboard used to share traffic updates and weather warnings to the drivers on the other side of the road.

This section of road is my favourite sight in Canberra – but first, certain conditions must be met. It must be viewed in the evening. Generally, it cannot be viewed in daylight savings time – as the sky must be dark. And, once the second condition is met, the third follows in turn – the streetlights must be on.

When these three needs align, the magic starts. As your eyes follow the gentle curve of the road back and forth, the streetlights begin to dance. They wave back and forth for but a few moments until the road straightens out again as you continue up the hill.

This dance of light is my favourite sight in Canberra.

A few years ago, I started to mention it to my friends and family in passing. “This part of the drive here is my favourite.” “I like this section of road ahead.” “Just one second, if we could keep talking once we’ve passed the lights?”

They’re a good sort – I’m very lucky in that way. My husband now reminds me the lights are coming up if I’m distracted and don’t notice that we’re close. Friends have smiled happily for me and with me – and thanked me for telling them about something precious to me.

At this point you’re probably thinking this is a sweet story (and it is) but there’s an ending twist even I didn’t previously see coming.

In being validated and encouraged to enjoy the dancing lights, something even better emerged. Many Autistic brains excel at pattern recognition. It turns out, you get better at the things you practice – and over the last year, my brain has honed its ability to find dancing lights.

It no longer needs a wide-open space free from other landmarks to focus on them. Nor does the stretch of road need to be expansive. The dance can be seen through a patch of trees, or on the smallest bend.

I don’t know if I would have seen all these lights or had as many moments of joy without being encouraged by the people around me to seek it out. It doesn’t take much effort to encourage someone to go after moments of happiness. But it can result in far more than either of you ever imagined.

Photo credits to Mark Stevenson

 

R U OK Day

Post published: September 8, 2022

Today is R U OK Day in Australia. It's a mental health awareness initiative started some years ago now to reduce the stigma of asking someone if they are okay, and reduce the rate of suicide by helping people build positive connections and support networks to turn to in difficult times.

These are, undoubtably, good goals to have. That said, R U OK day is often a difficult day for those of us with complex or difficult mental health experiences.

Disabled folks, neurodivergent folks, folks with chronic illness (the list goes on) are often facing situations that require time, energy, and financial resources we don't have to resolve.

There are also systematic barriers, like the shortage of specialists and mental healthcare professionals. Diagnoses and treatment with long waiting lists that were further delayed by the pandemic.

When the issues you face aren't able to be resolved by someone asking if you're okay, it is easy to become resentful of this day. Especially when it feels like a corporate check box for many organisations - an opportunity to talk up their position on mental health but not follow through in a way that enacts meaningful change.

I do think there is still stigma against mental illness and raising awareness can help. And I recognise the privilege that comes with having people around me that are well-versed in talking about mental health. So I simply ask that you be mindful. And remember that the mission of the R U OK organisation includes the phrase 'meaningfully connect' - something that might not be achieved if you are only able to be present for this kind of conversation on an annual basis.

Please be mindful of the people you are engaging with today. Consider using today to set a reminder to check in with someone at a later date. Respect that there are people who will not want to talk about their mental health today. If you're going to ask a person if they're okay, be aware that they might tell you no, and that you will need to consider what your capacity is to help. Be very aware that you may have the best of intentions, but there are limitations to the help you can offer and the problems that you can solve.

If today is not a good day to talk about your mental health, feel free to tell people you aren't up to having that conversation today. If you are up to the conversation, I hope there is someone available to listen and to help you in the ways you need.

Canberra CareersXpo 2022 (Reflections)

Post published: September 2, 2022

Two weeks ago I attended the Canberra CareersXpo looking into career pathways, opportunities, and support for disabled and neurodivergent school leavers. It was, as I suspected, a mixed experience, but overall I found it positive. If you are here for info on specific services and organisation, you can go straight to the tables I compiled on my resources page.

Positive

• More people knew what neurodiversity or neurodivergent meant than I expected
• An increase in pathways for neurodivergent school leavers that reflects the known global trend of increased interest in hiring neurodivergent employees
• An uptake in providing bespoke or individualised assistance to could result in greater support for an individual's needs rather than a cookie cutter approach
• More people identified themselves as neurodivergent in response to me identifying as Autistic/ADHD
• More than one person liked my "Neurotypical is my second language jumper".

Negative

• Some organisations didn't offer or have any information about opportunities for disabled or neurodivergent school leavers
• Passive acceptance of disability was a go to response for some organisations (I have a seperate post about that here)
• Still a very strong association of neurodivergent as meaning Autistic only, or only having pathways for Autistic individuals rather than other types of neurodivergence

I still think there is a long way to go to increase the knowledge and support there is for neurodivergent and disabled workers, but there has been some progress.

I have built 4 tables summarising the information I found helpful (or potentially helpful) at the expo. This was based on the vendors that I managed to speak to, and the information they could give me at the time.

Group 1: Specific education and services for disabled/neurodivergent people that provide assistance and/or training relating to employment

Group 2: Career Pathways for disabled/neurodivergent people

Group 3: Services that are good to know about more generally

Group 4: Options that help everyone but don’t necessarily target disabled/neurodivergent people.

Given the amount of data, these tables are available seperately under my resources page. I hope you find it helpful!

Passive acceptance does not remove barriers for disabled people

Post published: August 19, 2022

Yesterday I attended the Canberra CareersXpo looking into career pathways, opportunities, and support for disabled and neurodivergent school leavers. There were a number of positive experiences that I'm going to write up into a post on my website, but first, something that deserves its own space to be addressed.

At least one vendor at the Canberra CareersXpo responded to my questions with a very simple "We accept everybody", or "of course, everyone's accepted here." Once upon a time this would have been a great response in my books. Yesterday, it filled me with disappointment.

That said, I’m willing to bet that for many of you, ‘your best’ is likely to have negative connotations. "Was that really your best effort?", "Is that your best shot?" "Is that all you’ve got?" Or the classic – comparing ‘your best’ to someone else’s.

"Everyone's accepted here" is the bare minimum. In fact, it's required by law that disabled persons not be discriminated against because of their disability.

When I ask an organisation what pathways are available for disabled and neurodivergent people, I want to know what they are specifically doing to remove barriers that prevent us from accessing the same opportunities as everyone else.

Do your application forms use simple language? Do you have specific intake rounds for disabled people? Is a person able to demonstrate their skills rather than needing to ace an interview? Are you able to be flexible on deadlines for applications from people with ADHD?

Until we see more of these initiatives, the reality is that disabled people will continue to be underemployed at twice the rate of non-disabled people.* "Acceptance" in these scenarios means to be tolerated, at best. It's time to change that, to ensure disabled people are actively welcomed and embraced in the workforce - and receive fair pay for the work we do.

Source

Doing your best

Post published: August 14, 2022

For those who are disabled, neurodivergent, and/or chronically ill, I’ve been thinking about the concept of 'your best' and wondering whether you tend to think of this as a positive or a negative.

‘Your best’ could be a positive descriptor – a time when you put in a big effort and achieved the best outcome you could get. "I did my best." "That’s your best score yet!"

That said, I’m willing to bet that for many of you, ‘your best’ is likely to have negative connotations. "Was that really your best effort?", "Is that your best shot?" "Is that all you’ve got?" Or the classic – comparing ‘your best’ to someone else’s.

I think that it's important that we remember that a person's best efforts aren't a stagnant thing, especially in the case of disability or chronic illness; the amount of spoons that you have on a given day is going to change.

Your best on Monday might not be the same as what you could achieve on a Tuesday - and that’s okay. On a given day you will be competing with different needs and challenges. You might be coping with different amounts of sensory overwhelm, or could be having a flare up of a chronic condition.

Remember that it’s okay for your best to look different. You do not have to exhaust yourself trying to always match a particular standard because you did it once and therefore you should somehow be able to magically match that effort every time.

It’s very easy for people with ADHD especially to feel like they are letting people down if they don’t achieve at the same level (I see you, former gifted kids), or for someone with chronic fatigue to think "I’ve still got something left to give, I can push past it".

You do not have to drain yourself to the point of exhaustion. You don’t have to rob yourself of the spoons that were left for you to do something for yourself at the end of the day, or prevent yourself from being able to do anything the next day.

Your best on a given day is your best on a given day and that’s okay.

Note: I’ve mentioned spoon theory a lot in this post and it’s a fantastic way of communicating the impact of chronic illness to those who are less familiar with the impacts. Christine Miserandino is the author of the Spoon Theory, which you can read about here if you want more details. Spoon Theory.

Trialling e-bikes

Post published: August 7, 2022

Well, I said I spent more time outdoors yesterday than I would typically on a very cold day – the reason for that is the electric bike I have out on loan from SEE-Change Canberra! I’m going to do my best to get a bit of time in each day, as much as work, winter temperatures and the nights getting dark early will allow.

Bicycles and cycling can be a mixed experience for neurodivergent folk. Some might love it – others may find the sensory input overwhelming. It’s not just the outdoor environment and stimuli that comes with it but the very act of riding a bicycle itself, due to the way cycling engages with our vestibular system.

The vestibular system is based in the inner ear and is responsible for giving us information about our movements and the sense of the space we are in. It is important for our sense of balance, which is why you can lose your balance and stagger if you have an inner ear infection.

ADHD and Autistic children can have both hyposensitive and hypersensitive levels of perception that may result in either sensory seeking or sensory avoidant behaviour, some of which may be in attempt to either increase or decrease the amount of input our vestibular system is receiving.

Sensory avoidant behaviour may be seen in those who are hypersensitive to movement, who tend to show this by avoiding particular activities. Swings and slides can be overwhelming. Elevators and escalators may cause dizziness or motion sickness. It can be easy to lose your balance and fall over a lot – and it can be more difficult to learn how to ride a bike! I myself only learned when I was 12 and had a lot of fears of falling off.

On the other hand, those who are hyposensitive may need and seek extra stimulation due to being underwhelmed and disengaged by sensory input. Hyposensitive people often fidget to provide the level of input needed to continue going about their day. They might rock back and forth, spin in circles, or shake their leg while seated. They might be classified as a thrill-seeker and do things that seem dangerous at times. The sensation of going over a bump in a car or on a bike may give a pleasant feeling rather than inducing motion sickness.

And, if you’re only reading this because of a video of a dachshund on the back of a bicycle, this paragraph is for you. 😊 Today I had a go at having Marvel sitting in the cargo space. She’s never been on the back of a bike before – you can see I’m travelling pretty slowly and my bike seat is too low from when I had been sitting on the seat and just walking the bike to start. I think she did pretty well!

The ACT Government and Switched on Cycles has sponsored the continuation of e-bike library through to 2024 – Ken Behrens interested in a two week trial of an e-bike should fill in the form at the SEE-Change. My thanks to Zuleka for helping me get the bike up on my bike rack! Wouldn’t have made it this far without your help. 😅

Auditory Processing Disorder Information Session and Resource

Post published: June 20, 2022

Earlier this week I ran a presentation on Auditory Processing Disorder for staff at my department as part of our Neurodiversity Network’s efforts to increase awareness of neurodivergent experiences in the workplace.

Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) is experienced by both children and adults and is commonly present in people diagnosed as ADHD and/or Autistic, as well as those who are D/deaf or hard of hearing. APD impacts the way your brain interprets sounds, and among other things, can cause a delay between when you hear a sound and when you understand it. APD can cause issues following instructions with multiple steps, or any instructions given verbally, as well as impacting your ability to understand conversation when there is background noise. It may not be picked up on in a standard hearing test if it is not being looked for.

We discussed ways to reduce the impact of APD in a corporate environment, including actions a person with APD can take as well as support that can be provided by supervisors and co-workers.

It was a great success, with over 90 people in attendance on the day and many others signing up for the recording to access in their own time or to share with their teams.

I built a resource with most of the information I covered in the session, which can be found on my resources page.

Autistic Pride Day

Post published: June 19, 2022

I wrote and shared the below with my workplace a few days ago in preparation for Autistic pride day, which was yesterday.

This Saturday, June 18 is Autistic Pride Day, a day in which many Autistic people choose to celebrate their Autistic identity and experiences.

Autistic Pride Day was first celebrated June 18, 2005, as a way for Autistic people to celebrate their neurodivergence and the contributions we make to humanity’s neurodiversity. This day is a chance to celebrate the traits we have in common with other autistic people and the ways in which Autistic people are unique.

You may wonder if Autistic Pride Day is connected to Pride month (June), or if it is only for those of us who also identify as LGBTQIA+. Autistic Pride Day is for all autistic individuals to take part in. There are similarities in the reasons why the Autistic and LGBTQIA+ communities need times of celebration – as both groups have experienced stigma and rejection simply for being who they are. Similar to LGBTQIA+ people, not every Autistic person could be considered "out and proud". It is not always safe for Autistic people to share that they are Autistic – there is the potential to lose friends, family, and work due to the ableism Autistic people face.

Autistic people spend much of our lives being told some variation of "You’re doing it wrong," whether it be in reference to our communication styles, our ways of socialising, the way we emotionally regulate or the way we think. If we grow up without a diagnosis, or in isolation from other Autistic people, it becomes easy to assume that there is something wrong with us. Autistic Pride Day helps to correct that assumption and celebrate all we have achieved in spite of the ways in which society is not shaped to support us.

It is in the experience of community and of shared identity that Autistic pride takes root. Days like Autistic Pride Day provide opportunities for us to contribute to and look for other representations of Autistic people and gain further understanding of Autistic joy and positivity. This makes a very real difference to the next generation of autistic people, who are not just youth – as many Autistic people aren’t diagnosed until later in life. Breaking stereotypes and presenting a broader range of Autistic representation helps to establish a better understanding of what it means to be Autistic and the different ways Autistic people can not just live, but thrive and flourish.